Dad died on Friday, November 6th, at 5:37.
It was a long time coming. And I’ve said everything I needed to said. Told him goodbye. I have no regrets. Still, when his wife Kathy called to tell me, I hung up and wept.
***
There’s not much to write about Dad here that I haven’t written in the book I finished about him. I’m trying my damndest to find a publisher for Sam is Sam, Dad is Dad, and God is God. Everything I need to say about my father is in that book. That book happened because I told Dad, to his face, everything I needed to say. And he told me everything he needed to say. And I drove out to visit and say goodbye a month ago when he was still very much present. What a gift.
“I’m not dying,” he told me with laughter during our last visit.
“Dad,” I said, “you’re in hospice.”
“That’s a pretty scary word,” he said.
“Yes!” I agreed.
“Well, I guess we all have to face this,” Dad said. I was proud that Dad facing death.
As I was leaving, I told Dad I loved him and, if I didn’t see him again here, goodbye. Dad looked up at me with a mischievous grin. I’d been asking him if he remembered things all night because of his Alzheimer’s.
“Wait, who are you again?” And then he burst out laughing.
Dad was so funny. Dad is so funny. I think he is why I am so funny.
I do love Dad, even if he wasn’t the best father.
***
My best friends – my brothers – Mike and Josh came to visit last weekend. They got to their Airbnb 15 minutes after I learned Dad had died. We went to a basketball game at Carver-Hawkeye Arena. We played Pickleball. We played Tennis on Nintendo. We threw the Frisbee. They left on Sunday morning.
And now I’m here looking at old pictures of Dad. Posting them on Facebook to document that Dad is gone and that I love him.
I called my sister Christie. I said hello to my nephew Skylar. I cried. And then I cried some more.
Dad had all sorts of problems. And sometimes I hated Dad. But I always loved him. I’m proud of how honest my book about him is. I hope you can read it someday. I’ll keep bugging publishers.
I love you, Dad. I hope you are well now.
Here are some of the pictures I posted on Facebook:
