Watch out, ladies, Dr. Tanner has a new set of wheels.
I picked my 2024 Chevy Malibu up from Enterprise on a Friday morning, ready to hit the town.
“Do you want the fecal brown colored model, Dr. Tanner?”
“Don’t mind if I do, Enterprise intern.”
“Would you like the extra insurance?”
“Absolutely not!”
Throw caution to the wind, I say! The same caution I tossed into the air when I backed my poor 2019 Honda CRV into a stationary tree and shattered it’s windshield.
Look, ladies (read: lay-days), I know you thought my 1984 Cutlass Cierra was a real chick magnet back when I was in high school. But midlife crisis Sam has found a way to top that gravitational pull. Hide the women and children, because my Malibu is ready to roll.
***
Before I picked up my Malibu on Friday morning, I spent the week walking to work. It’s about thirty to thirty-five minutes from my front-door to campus. Some people might have hopped on the bus that goes back and forth. Not this guy.
Were my legs tired? Of course. Was is a little eery walking home from a night class on the streets of Iowa City after sun down? Sure. But it was also pleasant. Put my ear pods in. Listen to some Bright Eyes. Or some Gleeman and the Geek. Fade away into my own world.
The weather was nice last week. Got up into the sixties. Is that a little strange for Iowa City in February? Absolutely. But these are strange times, baby. And strange times make for nice walks.
Way back when I went to the University of Minnesota and lived in Dad’s basement, I’d park my 1994 Honda Civic in Dinkytown and walk to campus. It was about a thirty to thirty-five minute walk to from my free parking spot near my friend’s apartment to Lind Hall or, God forbid, across the bridge to the West Bank.
I got in pretty good shape when I was in my twenties. I’m not in great shape in my forties, but it sure was pleasant to walk to campus last week. And a little exhausting.
I might keep walking, if only to save Iowa City from the riot that will likely ensure once the ladies (read: lay-dayssss) see my Chevy Malibu.
***
Here’s hoping that my CRV is an easy fix. I drop it off on a Sunday. Into the care of the fine people at Gerber’s Collision and Glass.
Until then, it’s my 2024 Chevy Malibu and me. That new car smell. No goldfish crumbs from 3 years ago wedged into the upholstery. An unshattered back windshield. I’m telling you. This car is the real deal.
Here I’ll admit that this keyless start thing has me on edge. Start a car without a key? What am I, a Terminator Robot? All these newfangled contraptions. Why, back in my day, if your 1984 Cutlass Cierra hit a deer on the way to Mueller Family Theatre to watch Fargo and was damaged so badly you couldn’t open the driver’s side door, you’d simply crawl in and out through the window like the good ol’ boys on the Dukes of Hazzard. Now I just hit buttons and things happen? That’s no way to make a scene for the ladies (read lay-dayyyyyss).
Samuel Jaye Tanner 