14 Years

I titled this short piece 14 years because Katie and I have been married for fourteen years. My title makes me think of this song by Guns n’ Roses.

That Guns n’ Roses song linked above has nothing to do with my marriage. I don’t advise that you click on the link. I certainly don’t advise that you listen to the song. My relationship has not been 14 years of sorrow. It has not been 14 years of pain. Instead, my marriage has been 14 years of all sorts of others things. Mostly, love.

I made a Facebook post celebrating our 14th anniversary. I joked that Katie is the luckiest girl in the world. Maybe she is. I am lucky beyond measure to have Katie for my wife.

***

Many thousands of years ago Katie and I looked like this:

This picture was taken during our delayed honeymoon. We flew to Portland after the school year ended. We were both teachers the year we got married. I taught high school. Katie taught elementary. Our wedding was on a Sunday and we were back at work on Monday. That summer, we spent a week in the Pacific Northwest. We hiked through mountains, walked near the ocean, and hung around Portland. This was one of our last trips before Solomon came spurting forth into the world. That spurt changes everything and anything.

I remember getting lost on a hike in the mountains outside Government Camp. I remember sitting on the dunes on a beach near Ocean City. I remember walking from coffee shops to restaurants in Portland. Most importantly, I remember doing these things with my wife Katie.

We’re due for another vacation. It’s been a great 14 years. But it has been a long 14 years, too.

***

My parents got divorced when I was 7. Family wasn’t a source of comfort for me as kid. It has been tricky learning how to be a part of a family. Learning how to be a husband and father. I won’t pretend I’m good at these roles. I won’t pretend that I’m terrible, either. Love covers a multitude of sins. A multitude of casualties, too.

The older I get, the more I realize love is the only thing that matters. And I understand that sounds incredibly silly. I’m not writing about a trivial kind of love. I’m writing about unconditional affirmations of difference. I’m writing about honesty and intimacy. I’m writing about self-sacrificial care for others. I’m writing about realizing it is not about me, it is not about you, it is about us. The us-ness that comes from powerful love is, to my mind, the strongest force in the universe. God is love and we are too.

I love Katie and Katie loves me and that love continues to grow.

Need proof of our love? Check out this romantic shot of my beautiful wife Katie and me underneath the Stone Arch Bridge, fifteen years after I asked her to marry me in that exact spot:

Now that’s love.