A digital alarm clock sits on a nightstand next to my bed. This is the same alarm clock, dear reader, that I purchased from the Radio Shack in Rosedale Mall during my junior year in high school. This would have been 1997 or so.
This fine piece of technology has traveled across the country with me. Seen its way through all sorts of different versions of Sam Tanner. All the while it has been reliable at waking me up on time.
In fact, if we’re being honest, I learned to not need it’s piercing wail. My internal alarm clock has served me well. Whether it was waking up at 6:00am to go to my job at Subway when I was 18, 4:30am to get a run in before going to teach high school when I was 28, or 7:00am to make sure the boys get to school at 44, I was typically awake in time to shut the alarm off and be on my way. I used a lot of commas in the previous sentence. Impressive.
Anyway, tomorrow morning is Monday, January 6th. I will, like I always do, set my alarm because the boys have to be at school.
***
I could sleep until noon as a teenager. Those days are long gone. I’m up and at them before anybody else in the house these days. Whether I want to be or not. Sure, it might be initiative. Maybe it’s just anxiety. I don’t know. I don’t need my trusty alarm clock to get going anymore. Still, I hold onto it. I’m sentimental.
The liminal space of this winter break is coming to an end. We didn’t travel anywhere this year. We didn’t do much of anything. Took the boys sledding one night after the first real snow of the season. My body felt like jello the next morning. We ate at a Pho place in Iowa City. Katie spent a lot of time knitting. I spent a lot of time playing video games. The boys did too. Like father, like sons. Solomon played the new Mario and Luigi game and Samson played Madden. Sloth and gluttony was the them of this winter break.
And now here we are on the cusp of a new semester. Standing at the threshold. I’m not dreading it like I was this fall. Will I get anxious? Maybe, but at least I’m coming to understand how my anxiety expresses itself. Nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sure, I might get up a little early, but I can manage. I always have. Go for a run. Play basketball. Take a walk to campus. These are all good things to do for anxious little men like me.
I’m actually looking forward to getting back in the swing of something. Teaching, writing, and being on campus. I’ve spent lots of time in my house with my children this break. I need a break from my break.
***
I’m surprised I still have my alarm clock that I purchased from Radio Shack in Rosedale in the late 90’s. Radio Shack, I must assume, has long been out of business. And these days we’re all walking alarm clocks. Our phones or watches are connected to the Matrix, ready to wake us at a moment’s notice. Still, I prefer my disconnected alarm clock. No Wifi. No Algorithms. Just a simple machine for a simple job. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and that Zuckerberg fella have nothing to do with the machine that makes sure I go about my day.
I’m sure my handy alarm clock will finally give out. Everything finally gives out. This fallen creation is in a state of entropy. Winding down. Seeking salvation despite a situation that looks increasingly grim. Well, if my alarm clock does give out, no matter. My internal clock is primed. I’ll keep doing what I muddily-must until I bodily-bust. Besides, blowing off an alarm clock is probably good for me these days. I’ve spent far too many years being on time. Now might be a moment to live a little. And by live a little, I mean sleep in.
Samuel Jaye Tanner 