Every once in a while I get a touch of insomnia. I find myself tossing and turning in bed. 11:30 becomes 1:30 and I realize that I’m not falling asleep. Sometimes I give up. Head into the living room and play a game of Madden. Did you know that you can find an online game of Madden morning, noon, and night? Poor schmucks who don’t realize they’re about to play against the 17,000th ranked player in the world. I make quick work of them and, if I’m lucky, go back to bed and fall asleep.
If I’m not lucky? I toss and turn a little more, head down to my computer, futz around with work projects or even start writing blogs like this one. Anything to make use of the frenetic energy keeping me awake. Anything to pass the time when a touch of insomnia hits.
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It’s very rare that I get hit with a touch of insomnia. It mostly happens on a Sunday before the start of a new semester, especially if I have to set my alarm again after a long break.
Kind reader, I’m coming to the end of another long and (mostly) peaceful winter break. My alarm is set. You’d think I’d want to get a good night’s sleep. My body rebels. My thoughts race. I toss and turn and suddenly it’s 2:30am and I’m writing a blog about a surprising case of insomnia. It’s not pleasant, but it’s also not the unpleasant. I probably have a tasty nap to look forward to tomorrow afternoon. That’s typically how I crash after staying up too late.
I’m not sure that my insomnia come from anxiety, but I’m not sure that it doesn’t. There’s all sorts of reasons to be anxious. The times we live in are, so far as I can tell, a little anxious. And I sometimes my thoughts race, my heart beats too fast, and, dare I say it, my blood pressure boils over.
There are reasons for you to be anxious and there are reasons for me to be anxious. There are also reasons for you to be at peace and reasons for me to be at peace. I’m making my way towards a peaceful mind these days, albeit through the embarrassing and sometimes unpleasant work of coming to terms with things that produce my anxiety. Did I write embarrassing? A quick scan of these weekly blogs should lead you to the conclusion that I share too much.
I take that back. I actually think it is impossible to share too much. We’re social beings. We’re meant to share everything there is in us to share with each other. To help each other through this thing we’re all experiencing, whatever the hell it is. That’s a Kurt Vonnegut reference. I’m sure any reader of this blog has had a sleepless night or two. Or maybe more.
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I’ll make my way back to my bed after writing this blog. If I’m lucky, I’ll be asleep in a few minutes. If not? I’ll toss a bit, turn off my alarm, make a pot of (decaf) coffee, and get on with my day.
I’d say this touch of insomnia hits me a few times a year. And I think it always has. I remember a few sleepless nights as I kid. Back then I’d read a book. I still read books when I can’t fall asleep. I’ve been working my way through Philip K. Dick’s science fiction recently. Wild stuff.
Maybe I’m worked up about something? Or maybe I’ve got frenetic energy from spending too much time on the couch? I did spend lots of time on my couch this winter break. Maybe I’m bursting with energy? I don’t know the cause, kind reader, but it is a Sunday morning at 2:34am and I’m still up.
Off to bed with me, I guess. For better or worse. And may you not suffer a sleepless night and, if you do, may it be pleasant. I will say that, in the quiet of the house, as I’m tapping away at my keyboard, there is a certain calm that can only be found in the dead of night. Or dead of morning, as it were, as 2:34am turns into 3:34am or 6:34am. Time moves quickly, friend. Of that I’m certain.
Samuel Jaye Tanner 