Bad Boy, Theo!

First, allow me to apologize for the image at the top of this blog. No, kind reader, it is not my intention to shock you with gratuitous images of cats procreating. I simply wanted you to experience the same thing that I, your humber blog-author, experienced Tuesday last.

Know that writing Tuesday last instead of last Tuesday is funny to me. Imagine me with a British accent for a moment, wearing a barrister’s wig. You know. White hair and curls.

“On Tuesday last, dear gentlemen, something of great importance happened.”

Okay, back to the troubling image at the top of this blog.

Kind reader, I was engrossed in a very important Zoom meeting. Some colleagues and I are applying for an enormous grant. I was trying to be professional. You know, like a British barrister. I turned from my computer and looked across the room. And that’s when I saw it.

Theo, our beloved orange tabby, appeared to be mounting his little sister.

***

I was in shock.

“No, Theo!” I wanted to scream. “Bad boy! Do not mount your little sister!”

I couldn’t say a thing! I was listening to a grant officer talk about grants. Well, trying to. Most of what they were saying was gibberish to me. Incidentals? Subcontracts? What am I, a British barrister?

I sneakily grabbed my phone to document the horrifying thing that was happening near my desk in our cozy basement. I took a quick picture. I took another. And another.

Theo was licking his litter sisters neck. She was purring.

“Run, Meowalicious!” I wanted to scream. “Run!!!”

Instead, I did what any horrified and embarrassed cat owner might do. I texted the picture to my wife Katie, hoping she would come running down to stop whatever was happening to defile an innocent Tuesday morning.

I considered interrupting the grant officer.

“Excuse me, kind grant officer,” I imagined saying, “it appears that my cat Theo is trying to deflower his younger sister Meowalicious. Can we take a moment to pause your endless stream of words about travel stipends so that I can disengage his manhood?”

Sadly, poor reader, no opportunity arose. Instead, I just let whatever was happening happen. And happen it did. On Tuesday last.

***

Now, before you grow too concerned, do know that Theo is neutered and Meowalicious is spayed. So whatever act was happening on Tuesday last wasn’t going to culminate in anything more than a horrified pet owner snapping a couple of illicit pictures.

Theo quickly grew bored, unmounted his little sister, and absconded into the night. A rascal and a rake. A vagabond. Meowalicious seemed unconcerned. She rolled over onto her back and stretched.

Once the meeting was over, I ran upstairs to debrief with Katie.

“Did you see that picture?”

She was, in a word, shaken.

We couldn’t figure out what bothered us more. The fact that they were siblings? The age difference? The aggression that Theo displayed?

“This is because you let him smell her butt,” Katie told me.

Oh, innocent reader, I thought they were just getting to know each other! Sadly, they’ve gotten to know each other in a way that challenges the rigid morals that guide our family.

A stern talking to was had by all the cats in this house on Tuesday last, gentle reader. Know that such tomfoolery is not welcome in this home that is guided by the same principles that likely guide British Barristers.

I shall keep you updated to the best of my humble abilities as to the virtuous nature of this household that has come under assault by lecherous forces. Bad boy, Theo. Bad boy, indeed.