I woke up early on a Saturday morning. Katie too. She woke Solomon and Samson up. Our car was already packed. Suitcases. Sleeping bags. Too many lovies. Or stuffies depending on your nomenclature. A Nintendo Switch nestled safely in the back. Well, two Nintendo Switches. I bought my own to play Tears of the Kingdom because I’m a sicko.
My new sun hat rested on the console next to me. Solomon calls it my adventure hat. I think it makes me look like Indiana Jones. It doesn’t.
We drove west out of Iowa City as the sun rose. We exited 380 and were surrounded by rolling fields. Iowa is a big, empty state. The boys were drowsy in the back. Reading. Solomon worked on a math book. I tried to listen to Spotify. There was 29 hours of music on my playlist. 10 hours of driving ahead. South Dakota. The Badlands, Rapid City, Devil’s Tower. That sort of thing. I’d done this drive as a child. With my dad. Thirty-some years later, I was heading west with my family.
The Tanner family was off on a fine, Midwestern road trip.
***
We made it to Wall, South Dakota the first day.
Wall Drug. A sprawling, tourist stop in the middle of nowhere. We crashed in a motel near the freeway. The outdoor pool was grimy with goose poop. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. We wondered into town. Bought the boys stuffed prairie dogs. When in Rome. Or in Wall. Up against a wall.
We woke up early the next morning. Had breakfast in town. Ate to the soothing sounds of Fox News projected on a gigantic television over the restaurant’s bar. Made it to the Badlands before the other tourists. Hiked and took in the views. Say what you want about South Dakota tourism, The Badlands are stunning. The boys felt the same. Was funny to be climbing the same rocks I remembered climbing with my dad so many lifetimes ago.
We were in Rapid City by the afternoon. Dinosaur Park. Checked into a sprawling AirBNB that sat next to a creek. Which rested next to a mountain. We spent too much money. Katie’s cousin and her family met us there that evening. Our kids love playing with their kids. This is the second time we’ve gone in together on an AirBNB.
I sat in a hot tub that night, looking up at the cliffside, listening to the rushing water. I put aside any jokes I wanted to make about tourism in South Dakota. It was a beautiful scene.
The rest of the week was a blur. Loud children. Mount Rushmore. Hikes along creeks. Devil’s bathtub almost killed me. Google it. Devil’s Tower was another memory I had with my dad. Now I have it with my own children. The Wind Cave. I’m claustrophobic and anxious, but set those things aside. Peaceful beneath the earth. Spelunking.
Back in the car one week later. 10 hours to Iowa City. Nearly drove through a tornado but didn’t. Home that evening. I collapsed on the couch. Collapsing on the couch is what you do after a fine, Midwestern road trip. At least that is what I do.
***
“There’s a spider!”
This is what Solomon said at about 8:00am on Saturday morning as we started our drive home to Iowa City.
Katie gasped. I glanced into the back. I could see big, hairy legs in the bag of snacks we’d packed for the ride home.
“Is that a Tarantula?” I asked. I’m no Biologist.
“Maybe?”
“What should I do?”
The spider was the size of my hand. Or my body. It wanted to eat my face. And the faces of my family. It was similar to the spider in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I just reread those a few months ago.
I scanned the road. No exits for miles. And miles. South Dakota is emptier than Iowa. I put on my hazards and pulled over to the side of I-90. Talk about dangerous. I’ve never stopped on a freeway before. I climbed out of the car. Took the bag of snacks out of the car. Squealed as it fell to the ground. Fruit snacks fell out. The spider clung to the bag.
I took a rolled up map of Custer State Park and did battle with the beast. Finally got it out of the bag. Put out stuff back in the car. Climbed back in and we were on our way.
I’m a hero. You should know this as you finish reading this blog about a fine, Midwestern road trip.
Samuel Jaye Tanner 