Theo

A picture of the beast that roams our house. Wet tongue emerging from a foul furnace. Clutching the remains of a kill. A kill that never lived. A kill that was purchased for $7.99 from Target and makes chittering noises.

The blurry edges represent a blurry being. A feline that shimmers in and out of existence as it lurks in the shadows. The dead eyes represent a vacant soul. An empty soul. A malevolent soul.

Theo. Orange abomination. Snarling and growling creature with no regard for decency, kindness, or decency. Beware, kind reader, should you see this festering monster lumbering your way. There’s darkness there. Darkness to fear.

***

Just kidding. Theo is not that bad. But it was fun to write a paragraph with all those adjectives and literary devices. My 8th grade Language Arts teacher would be proud. Or maybe not.T

Theo is kind of a jerk, though. And isn’t that picture funny? Katie captured a look on his face that I hadn’t seen before and haven’t seen since. A unique picture of a cat and its toy.

Did I say jerk?

We have another cat Yara. We’ve had her since like 2008. Christmas of 2008. Yara is an ancient Norwegian Forest Cat. I keep waiting for her to die so we can buy a new kitten. Don’t tell her I wrote that. I don’t think she’ll die anytime soon. She’s vital. And Norwegian Forest Cats live a long time.

Theo does not treat Yara well. Think Harvey Weinstein.

Uh-oh. Was that joke too much? Forgive me. It made me laugh.

Theo spends most of the day stalking Yara. Pouncing on Yara. Biting Yara’s tail. Stealing her food. There’s only so much you can do to make peace with cats. Yara puts up with it. She always has an eye out for him. And, even in her advanced age, she sometimes puts up a fight. Her mewling hiss is a truly terrifying thing to hear. Think Mariah Carey.

And now I’m slamming Mariah Carey? What happened to this blog entry?

***

A couple short paragraphs about my cats. I might be losing it. People lose it as they get older. I’m not getting any younger, that’s for sure. 42. And Yara has been around for about 1/3rd of my life. That’s a long time. Theo has only been around for a few years.

These fine animals accompanied us from Pennsylvania. Yara has actually traveled the country. Minnesota to Pennsylvania and then back to the Midwest. She’s a regular Abraham. Not to be confused with Abram.

So there’s you’ve just read a blog about my cats. My apologies. It’s been a long fall. People say that new jobs and moving are two of the most stressful things that can happen. That’s mostly true, I guess, though I’ve seen all sorts of stress and upheaval in my 42 years on this planet. And, like Yara, I’m still kicking.

And, like Theo, I still have a glint in my eye. Seriously, scroll up and look at that picture one more time before you proceed with your day. It’s truly something.