Frozen With Fear

“She’s frozen with fear.”

The vet was examining Yara. On a table. In a tiny room. Yara was very much frozen with fear. I’ll take it.

Before becoming frozen with fear, Yara had spent thirty minutes making putrid noises from deep within a tiny cage. Noxious noises. Pungent noises. Mewling. Meowing. Whining and crying. It was ugly.

“Can you keep her frozen?” I asked the vet.

The vet didn’t laugh at my joke. Which may or may not have been a joke.

***

I had to bring Yara to the vet for an exam. This was Yara’s second visit to the vet in the sixteen odd years that I’ve owned her. I’m not what you’d call good at owning cats. Even though I’ve owned them my entire adult life. Hashtag CatMan.

Why had I chased Yara around my house for thirty minutes, trying to wedge her into a tiny cage? Why had I suffered her claws and teeth? Why had I endured her incessant whining on the drive to University Vet on University Drive near Penn State University? Wonderful question. I did it for drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

You see.

I plan on transporting my two cats Yara and Theo from State College, Pennsylvania to Iowa City, Iowa in June. Thirteen hours in a car. Across these fine United States. They’ll be in the way back. Solomon and Samson will be in the kinda back. And Katie and I will be in the front. Talk about a caravan.

I called the vet to see if they had any advice about making such a journey. Their advice? Drugs. Lots of them.

But first the exam. The vet prodded and poked at Yara as she huddled frozen in fear. Then the vet loaded up some syringes with drugs. The good stuff.

“Will this be enough?” the vet asked.

“Give me more,” I said, like I was George Harrison and the vet was Timothy Leary.

Ba-doomp-ching.

Yara survived the visit. And now I’ve got a bag with sixteen doses of cat drugs. The good stuff.

***

I drove Yara and her sister at the time Meowasauras to State College, Pennsylvania from Minneapolis, Minnesota some seven years ago. That trip was unpleasant. There were no drugs anywhere. I hope things go better this time. I’m hoping that my cats will be tripping on this trip. As the kids say. The drug-taking kids.

There’s so much to do. Preparing for another cross country move is daunting. But I’ve got one item checked off the list. Cat drugs. Only 90 more items to go.

Almost there.